goodbye

life seems to be a constant interchange of hellos and goodbyes goodbyes and hellos


places faces names games accents tones homes

and we (i? you?) become accustomed. which is sweet and sour. we feel less. we become a bit more stretchy, more flexible. so it's easier to fit into new spaces or return to old ones. each time we adjust sooner. until one day one continent the next day another and it doesn't feel like we are falling apart inside like it might have done once upon a time.

but in a way i miss that pain. i hate the numbness. the way i can walk out the door not knowing if/when i'll next see someone and not shed a tear, not be moved. somehow in a goodbye we expect to summarise everything that has been and is and all that we'll miss and all that the person/place has meant. which is impossible. yet we always seem to try. so i guess it's ok that i didn't have the profound words or the tears or the welling up inside; at that precise moment that i looked into your eyes before i turned away. because i had hours and days and months and maybe even years of moments and words and laughter and tears and feelings and sharing and learning and loving and being loved and 'being with'. and it doesn't mean that i don't miss you. i've just got used to not being with the ones i love. so maybe it'll be a while before your absence strikes a minor chord in this crazy life's tune. a tune that is all the richer for you.