Sunday, 25 March 2012

the day after all other days

I'm not sure that everything happens for a reason

I'm not sure that everything is part of God's plan

But I think perhaps that God is big enough and loving enough and creative enough to bring something good out of the mess(es).  In time.

And one day, when these days finish...

"Now the dwelling of God is with men
and He will live with them
They will be His people
and God Himself will be with them
and be their God
He will wipe every tear from their eyes
There will be no more death
or mourning
or crying
or pain
for the old order of things
has passed away"

Revelation 21:3

Tuesday, 20 March 2012

Sometimes there's just no words to summarise all this sadness, interspersed by joy

Saturday, 10 March 2012

Paintball.

Well the last few weeks have been full of a fair few first times... first time going to the gym (may write about this sometime!), first time auditioning (as expected, I didn't it, BUT did get some encouraging feedback so was pretty chuffed anyways) and today... first time Paintballing!

Now, I can't say Paintballing was on my list of things to do before I die, but I have wanted to try it, and when some friends invited us for a supposedly bargainous Groupon deal (which uhh, unsurprisingly wasn't quite as cheap as it seemed), we thought we'd take the opportunity.

So, 8am found us gathering, tired-faced, on a corner with 8 others - a motley European-Brazilian crew - jumping into hired cars and buzzing off into the Sussex countryside to some prefabs, men in green shirts, and a whole lot of mud!  Having donned boilersuits and been warned repeatedly that 'it hurts' and 'don't take off your mask of else you'll lose your eye', we were handed our guns (heavy! for a weedy girl with no arm muscels anyways!) and without much more than that, off we went!

Now we thought it was just going to be the ten of us, but there was actually about 50 people there, split into two opposing teams.  Fifty people shooting in a not ginormous (sp?) space is pretty full on to say the least!  Every tire-barricade, sniper-uhhhforgotwhatit'scalled-thing, and shelter seemed to be occupied by at least two people which made it almost impossible to move forward to get to our target.  It certainly gave me an idea (albeit just a tiny hint) of how pointless the trenches must have felt (in fact, the staff called the paintballing area 'the Somme'!), and how muddy!!  Most games I spent cowering behind a pile of tires, kneeling in a puddle, trying to dodge the 'bullet's flying through the gaps in the tires, and trying to aim, having never shot anything before in my life, and through a mask that constantly steemed up.  NOT EASY. !!!

No, not easy, and to be very honest, not fun.  By the third game I was shaking, sweating, out of breath, and realising that 'I didn't want to play anymore'.  That sounds so lame.  And I felt pathetic as I walked to the edge of the area, gun in the air, trying to hold back tears.  I felt embarrassed, but to be honest not really that surprised, I guess I just forget how sensitive I am sometimes, because I avoid situations when I feel super uncomfortable (like scary movies!).  I felt like primary-school Katrina who tried so hard but often came away in tears and feeling unable to do things that everyone else did.  OK, so maybe not just primary school Katrina!  The tears are still an almost daily feature!  But I guess now I'm more OK with being crazily sensitive.  But I'm also pretty wussy. ( I knew that already too!) The paintballs hurt, so I guess I was scared of getting hit by them, but at the same time they weren't that bad - I think it was more the fearful anticipation that was stressful, and feeling out of my depth, and just the fact of being shot at.  This lady is NOT made for the army.  And hates war more than ever before.

So, there we go.  I still feel a bit shaken up to be honest, 8 hours later!  Who would have thought paintballing would be so traumatic.  (Probably no one, because no one else seemed to be as affected as me.  haha! Although by the end some guys were admitting it wasn't so fun anymore).  Well guess I gotta laugh at myself and chalk it up to experience.  I'm still glad I tried it, and it was good to get out, and hang out with some great people, and to do something spontaneous.  But I don't think I'll be doing it again :-)

Song truths




Yesterday was feeling a bit 'grey', a bit low, a bit want-to-hide-under-the-covers-all-day-and-not-go-to-work... Thankfully there are some pretty wonderful people I get to work with, especially on a Friday, and I'm glad I didn't try TOO hard to hide how I was feeling, because turned out Jojo and Sarah also weren't feeling amaazing, and we decided to pray before we started the day, which made everything a whole lot better.  Jojo said she felt I needed to listen to the song 'True Colours' (see youtube clip of Cyndi Lauper singing it) and Sarah had the song 'you've got the love' going round her head... both songs have got some awesome lyrics, which I'm gonna try hold onto...

Funnily enough, I'd literally just watched that youtube clip of Cyndi Lauper, when 'You got the Love' came on the radio.  Get the message Katrina?!!!

True Colours
You with the sad eyes
Don't be discouraged
Oh I realize
Its hard to take courage
In a world full of people
You can lose sight of it all
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small

But I see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Show me a smile then,
Don't be unhappy, can't remember
When I last saw you laughing
If this world makes you crazy
And you've taken all you can bear
You call me up
Because you know I'll be there

And I'll see your true colors
Shining through
I see your true colors
And that's why I love you
So don't be afraid to let them show
Your true colors
True colors are beautiful,
Like a rainbow

Thursday, 8 March 2012

Wordship by Katrina Quinn

Today is an exciting day.  :-)

After some trial runs, a lot of time spent printing and binding in the office after work, and then deciding perhaps that was taking a little tooo much time, and converting files to pdf and back again, and varying cover designs, and memory sticks and spell checks and several trips down the road to the printers, I've finally got a poetry 'booklet', ready for distribution! 

It's called Wordship, quite simply because it's mainly words I've written during times of worship, and words that I hope others can use as part of their worship.  I hope it will encourage and challenge and inspire.

There's 19 poems, and photographs...
It's A5, which I thought is easier to carry around, but I might also make some A4 versions with bigger print.

So... let me know if you want one! 


Saturday, 3 March 2012

Brave

Today I was brave.

I auditioned to sing with Carnival Collective, a pretty amazing Brighton based band composed of varying numbers (but, a LOT) of drums and horns and a selection of other instruments (hear some of their music here ).  If you've been to Glastonbury, or been in Brighton long enough, you've probably seen and definitely heard them!

Anyways I heard they were holding auditions because they hire the hall in the building where I work.  What I didn't realise was that people had either been to a previous practise or received the song and lyrics to learn beforehand.  Kindly they let me come along anyways and do what I could.  I'm not a singer.  I sing... in the shower, and at church on Sundays, which I suppose amounts to a fair bit... but not into microphones/on my own/in front of people.  So this was a first (except for when I shyly auditioned to sing a solo verse in 'Scarborough Fair' in my primary school choir when I was about 7 years old!).  I've always wanted to be in a band though.  And am envious of all those with musical talents.  So while I'm not certain I have any (!) I thought I'd give it a go in the spirit of you-only-live-once-and-you'll-regret-it-if-you-don't-take-the-opportunity.  And perhaps I was vaguely hoping that buried in me is actually a super-star-singer waiting to be released...  Yeh.

So, I tried not to think about it too much, wondered, a bit late this morning, whether I should have eaten/drunk anything special/got up a little earlier to avoid husky-just-got-out-of-bed-voice, donned my green jeans and made my way down to the Centre.

Everyone was very nice and encouraging which was a relief although I kind of expected that or I wouldn't have gone!  I just about learnt the song and practised in a pair with a professional singer who was also auditioning (eek! - bringing all my insecurity about whether I can actually sing in tune at all to the surface and nearly causing me to make a run for it) and then before I knew it was on the microphone attempting to harmonise, stay in time, and trying not to be put off by the sound of my own voice coming through the speakers!  Can't say I did a brilliant job, or that I expect to be asked to be a part of the group (everyone else was brilliant!), but, I did enjoy it and I didn't run away so I am proud!

The day was made even better when my dear friend Joy called as I was finishing to say she was in Brighton briefly so I got to have 5 minutes of hugs, prayers and a quick deep convo-catch-up on London Road with one of my favourite people. YEY.